Seductive

I spent a lot of time with my sweetie this weekend, when I had expected not to see him much. There's a turnaround right there. It's nice. I lingered over there into the afternoon despite being behind in my class planning. I got a start on it at his house and it was nice to work quietly near each other. Before the end is the best part, that time when there's a bit of a chase. He turns on the charm and can be incredibly seductive. I love to give myself to it, and enjoy it. I have been sorely in need of a way to tap into life force like that, a way to experience pleasure through my body, rather than chronic pain, stress, struggle, and depression. I am gaining in perspective despite continuing to give myself to the feeling. I am still in a phase of observing and allowing the state of things affect me without too much mental control over my emotions. The recent shift down toward reality was the beginning of the end of the freeform exploration. I'll have to get ahold of what I am doing and planning and wanting, pretty soon. Alternatively I can continue to exist in a paradoxical condition of knowing very little of what's real and important, and just grow peaceful about the uncertainty. Some days I wish I was more predictable.