I fell in love, I think sometime on Aug 31.
This has already caused me to think many things I wanted to write down, relating to my life, and the world, and human nature, and my experience. I am almost two weeks late in creating this blog site, but here it is.

I feel like life started over. He wants to travel. It seems like he used to work for awhile and then travel for awhile, but it sounds now like he wants to live on a boat, traveling, for the rest of his life. I should call John Gentile and talk to him.

My current thoughts stem from our backgrounds. I want roots. I want to build community, here. He grew up tied to a spot of land that his mom now lives on. He and his family drove to town and back home each day. They had each other and it sounds like a reasonable social network. It was boring at home, and he worked hard and spent time alone in the forest, I imagine. I can understand wanting to travel and explore. I have tried so hard to connect with my community here, and failed in many respects, yet what really holds me here? I wish my family was closer, and that we had made each other a higher priority in our lives. It feels like he grew up with a kind of stability I seek. And I grew up with the worldly experience he seeks.

The big question is can we have a life together?

I can certainly sail and travel and enjoy it. But I don't want to give up my things. I feel right now like I need to have a place to go, I need to keep a home. I could raise a baby on a boat, traveling, yes. The fact remains, true enough today, that I feel a large part of my work in the world lies in the realm of dance, costuming, and promoting sex-positive attitudes. I want to keep all my trinkets and treasures.

I feel a responsibility to exercise the power I have within my sphere of influence. My sphere of influence relates to my political power, my educational background, my freedom and access to resources, and my duty to exist as I am, to be part of the movement forward. I need to reach the people who can hear from me, and learn from the people who can teach me. I feel that my work is as a facilitator in a sense, that I need to be connected in the right place at the right time, and know the right things. In that respect, hanging out on a boat, bumping around, takes me out of a certain place where I connect two or more subcultures, and places me in a situation to connect "american" culture with other cultures around the world. I'll have to think about how that suits my particular style. Clearly it suits his style-- he's very laid back and a good communicator.

So, I want to keep the connections I have cultivated, and I want to have all my costuming things I have amassed. I have a strong sense of belonging in this place despite my disappointment in my social network here. I can't really conceive of leaving this place indefinitely, but I think it would be premature to try. It could be something that changes naturally as a matter of course. I am open, but not convinced.

The thing about loving someone is the feeling that you want them to be happy. I would not want to form a partnership with someone who had to give up what was most important to him simply to be with me. In this case, I wonder if he is being realistic, and if he will like living on a boat. I can't bank on him changing his mind, but it seems reasonable that we may work out some timing issues. I would hate to come to a place where it was a choice between him and my stuff. Since I grew up lacking in stability, I really need to have stability somehow. The details will come down eventually, and the judgement calls will be made. I have to be honest (with myself!) about what is really important to me. The prospect of partnership, and the feeling of the kind of comfort I have with Dan, makes me think nothing else could be so important. I have to keep in mind that, if we only get a year before he takes off, I will still be grateful and happy with him. I think we can work out the wanderlust/homebody issue, personally.